Suggestions For Earth Day!

Suggestions For Earth Day!

As luck would have it, today is Earth Day, that wonderful day we celebrate the planet instead of its Creator. Al Gore be praised!

To help you make the most of this glorious day, here are some suggestions on how to make the most of it.

10. Vladimir Lenin’s Birthday – To celebrate Earth Day, and the birthday of Vladimir Lenin (one of the most ruthless socialists ever), whose 100th birthday just by pure coincidence fell on the first Earth Day in 1970, make a batch of no-bake cookies. Remember we don’t want to “waste” any energy today, so better do the no-bake kind. Decorate them with a red hammer and sickle in honor of Lenin!

9. Day Without Lights – Go the whole day without lights, music, cooking or computer. Sit in the dark and contemplate how much better your life would be if Al Gore ruled the world.

8. Build a Birdhouse out of Trash – Why send your trash to some landfill to break down into fertilizer for future generations. Grab the wastebasket, and put your creative ability to work making a home for the birds. Remember, this must be done in the dark.

7. Al Gore’s Words of Wisdom – We can’t watch Al Gore’s film An Inconvenient Truth without power, but we can quote Al Gore’s words of wisdom repeatedly. Here are a few to get you started:

Future generations may well have occasion to ask themselves, “What were our parents thinking? Why didn’t they wake up when they had a chance?”

I’m Al Gore, I used to be the next president of the United States of America.

It’s important to rescue the frog.

Should we prepare for other threats besides terrorists?

I don’t really consider this a political issue, I consider it to be a moral issue.

We have here a scales that balances two different things. On one side, we have gold bars! Mmmmmm, don’t they look good? I’d just like to have some of those gold bars. Mmmmm. On the other side of the scales… um… THE ENTIRE PLANET! Hmmmm…

Al Gore sure does love those gold bars.

6. Buy Carbon Credits – If you feel guilty about all the carbon emissions you create for the rest of the year, just buy carbon credits. Of course this will not actually REDUCE the amount of carbon emissions, but it will make you feel better and make Al Gore even wealthier!

5. Don’t Breathe or Pass Gas – Since Carbon Dioxide and Methane are two “dangerous” greenhouse gasses, refrain from exhaling all day. Also, flatulence needs to be avoided as well. Its a lot to ask, but the earth needs your cooperation.

4. Don’t Flush Your Toilet or Take a Shower – We want to save as much of our precious water supply as possible, so refrain from using any water today. If you have a low-flow toilet you may have to flush several times tomorrow to remove all the waste that has accumulated, but that is OK. You’ve done your best for the Earth today!

3. Wear Brown or Green Today – I’m not really sure how this helps the earth, but this is one of the wacky ideas the enviro-Nazis are suggesting for Earth Day. I would think blue or white, would be just as appropriate.

Maybe this is in honor of the Brownshirts in Nazi Germany? These were the thugs that helped Hitler takeover Germany. One of their slogans would be appropriate to quote today since it is relevant to the modern “Global Warming” movement:

All opposition must be stamped into the ground.

2. Ride Your Bike – This may be problematic if you are picking up kids or planning on grocery shopping today. Maybe these activities can be postponed for the day. Be careful riding amongst the eco-terrorists who insist on driving their evil SUVs.

1. Feel Smug – While you are sitting at home in the dark holding your breath, think of all the good you are doing for the environment. Don’t you feel special now!

BTW – If you are reading this on Earth Day, you are not participating in Earth Day properly. Shut off your computer, turn off your lights and hold your breath immediately. If you don’t comply, some brown-shirted enviro-Nazi thug will come over and make you!

Melancholy Earth Day!!

Originally published April 2008.